Zompocalypse Now

20. T-Lazer's guide to the Zompocalypse
Hey everybody. I'm back! And with a topic near and dear to my... brains! Hearts won't matter when the ugly Zombie Apocalypse rears it's head. Here are some things I am doing to ensure that when that time comes, I will be ready. You can too with these simple steps!
Step One. Start saying Zompocalypse. Zombie apocalypse just takes too long to get out. I'm sure you've found yourself fumbling over those words anyway- so just embrace the contraction. Time is precious and in the future zompocalypse, you just won't have enough of it to say two words when one will suffice.
Step Two. My good friends at Zombiefit.org suggest that "if you're ready for the impossible, you will most likely survive the improbable." They created an awesome workout that changes each day to get you functionally fit for the zombie revolution. Check it out- it's like a creative mix of that hardcore cross fit I know you have all heard of, with some cool looking and functionally important parkour for when you need to make those supply runs into town.
Step Three. Not only do you need to start hoarding martial weapons, but you need to become proficient with them. Guns are obviously something that everyone is going to steal at the time, and good luck finding ammo in a few months when no one is alive to make it- so you need to get some swords, or knives, or staves, nunchucks, escreema sticks. Anything. I recommend the Zombie Knife line from K-Bar. With a knife for each of the four horsemen that not only look cool but are also deadly and inexpensive (relatively) you can't go wrong.
Step Four. Start a food supply storage system. Most of the members of my church have a food storage plan that will feed their family for up to a year after a disaster happens. During a zombie showdown- this is way too much. But you should have something ready for when the grocery stores are looted down to the cotton balls and the land is filled with famine. I estimate staying at home will be practical for about three months or so. But you have to realize, one day the remaining population is going to wake up and realize the government has no plan to save them, and then start roaming the streets, house to house, stealing or killing for survival. At that time, sad to say, it's probably kill or be killed.
Which brings me to step five. One way or another you need to start mentally preparring yourself to take a life. One. Zombies are dead. or were... either way. You need to kill them again or be killed. Two- if another human being makes the choice between him or you, he is choosing him. You need to choose you and stick to your choice. Otherwise, points one through four are irrelevant.